Before I go into what I have to say let me say first that I am a Matrix fan, well more of a Matrix fanatic. The concepts of illusionary freedom, choices, & beliefs from the movie are fascinating to me. They are also fascinating to me in real life, but the thing that makes my stomach hurt when thinking about it in real life is that people don't see it. They don't see how their choices in life are getting smaller, how their illusionary freedom is not really that free after all, but the beliefs still hold strong. Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in a room full of brainwashed cult members. No one else seems to see what's going on and if they do it really doesnt matter to them. Alas, when I go and try to show people the truth myself I'm usually the one that sounds like a lunatic running around talking of government conspiracies. I guess I do get a little excited about it, but I cant help it I just want people to see what I see. I guess for me I've really became interested after the lawsuits were brought against Napster in 1999. Since then I've been following news with things like DMCA, SSSCA (CBPTPA), DRM and other tools that are being used to hinder technological freedom. While I am concerned with the technology side of a lot of things, I am still very much concerned with the non-testing side of it all. I am not one who can sit around and witness the rights of people slowly being taken away without them even knowing what has happened. Maybe one day I'll actually be able to talk about this without being labeled crazy.

There are many different elements that go into making people who they are, a product of the influences that they face day in and day out. It will become clear through my writings what has influenced me ... what has made me who I am today.

I guess I'm in the talking mood today or something...Or just a lot on my mind. I could probably speak all day on the choices that we have to make and the consequences and rewards that come from them. A lot of the choices I make I have come to make those judgements about the consequences/rewards fairly quickly, so I can realize what I'm getting into before I do it. I know a part of my problem comes from the choices that I make regarding relationships. Those have become my trickiest ones, and its usually due to the choices and paths I've placed myself on right before the new choice appeared. Usually what happens is not really beneficial to any party involved and it creates a lot of disruption. The funny thing is though, I can see that disruption before it even occurs, before the path is changed, before the choice is made, before one word is spoke, I already know how its gonna turn out. I don't really give any insight on what I see is gonna happen, I guess I'm not really sure of the reaction I would get. Or is it that I do and I just don't want to see that happen? I can argue to myself that I really don't know what's gonna happen....very true...but I also know given my beliefs right now, what choices I will make then. Now if I happen to see things different between then and now, then I will more than likely think of another scenario different than the one I have now. I always thought that if people knew what I was thinking that things would be different for the people that know me..... Well I guess from this blog I will test that hypothesis? :::Let the truth begin:::

There's supposed to be this big all hands meeting at our company today, Our headquarters in NJ and our offices here, they're supposed to be talking about the new goals for the company. Some people see this as the next axe dropping, ( They've already laid off 10% of the company a few weeks ago) and it looks like if they do happen to lay off again the after-hours support would get it first this time. (I guess that means me) I don't think I'm really scared, but I know that this will throw a serious monkey wrench into my plans going into the future. Well, I really don't know how its gonna turn out....I guess I have to wait till I get to work.

Well I did have something written out for my next post that I wanted to put up, but it seems like I've lost it somewhere.....Hmmmm Oh well, It'll turn up. I think I've finally decided on where to go with this blog, for me to try and recount everything in my life would just be too much for this blog. (Honestly, It'll take too long to remember :) ) I'll just take it one day at a time, just the ins and outs of my mind while I do what I do daily.