*Sigh* ..... man ...... Today is not really a bad day or anything, nothing is wrong, nothing just too out of this world fantastic has happened either... just a day. I guess I've been thinking a lot more lately, I know that we think all the time.... but I guess recently my brain has been working a little more than usual. That's not necessarily a bad thing either I guess it was just something that I noticed. I guess I would describe it as a thinking mood, not really reacting too much just soaking up everything. I find it funny sometimes that people usually don't realize how much I pay attention to things or how much I may actually know but don't talk about. I don't fault people for doing that because really the majority of the time you're dealing with other people they're not really paying much attention anyways. But for some odd reasons most people don't like it when other people think they "know" them or what they're gonna do. People don't really like to see as if they can be easily figured out like a simple math problem. So I never really say anything about it and really use anything that I feel I may have learned to myself. I don't claim to just be able to instantly know everything about a person, but I will stick to it and learn what makes them tick then just try to put the pieces together. I guess it's just something about figuring out what makes people tick that makes doing it so interesting.

I went to court today to fight my ticket for "Noise ordinance", I felt I did not deserve the ticket (Do we ever?) on the fact that I didnt have my windows down trying to blast my music for everyone to here. I also wasn't in the area where the cop said I was on the ticket... you see I was outside of the city limits but he put it upon himself to put an address on the ticket that was inside the city limits. So as I went into court today, feeling all sorts of butterflies and knots in my body from going over my whole story of what I wanted to say, I began to just daze off waiting for everything to get going. The prosecutor began calling off peoples' names and talking to them to see what she could do for them. So guess who shows up next to me, Mr. Officer in his sporty blue corduroy blazer, "Have you talked to the prosecutor yet?.....Well I'll talk to her and get a deal for you." I found that very suspicious given the fact that I knew he knew that I knew that he knew he didn't pull me over within the city limits. So the prosecutor calls me up and tells me the deal .... "The officer has agreed to drop your ticket, so all that leaves are the court costs". So hey why fight it, talked to the judge ...agreed...and paid my $65. I probably still should have fought it more though but I'll save that for next time. I would also like to say... NO THANKS!!! to my people at Pre-Paid Legal. They basically told me they couldn't help me with this ticket but I could pay a reduced rate for an attorney. Yea whatever!!!!

I was sitting here thinking about the plan I had adopted when I moved to Ohio, I had it in my head that the way I acted when I lived in Milwaukee was completely unacceptable. So I set out to change my ways in hopes that one day I could live and feel free from the shackles of whatever guilt that I had from before. There's two things wrong with that scenario.... for one, I'm thinking that I changed the wrong things..... two, I changed the wrong things. I changed into what I thought was the right direction to go. I just needed to continue being who I was and not worry about all the other crap going on.

I have found a few more places to roam Elite Hackers and Phrak, I've been to Phrak before but I havent went there in awhile. I've always found very helpful information from there and it looks like Elite Hackers will provide some as well. Would you believe that with all this tech crap stuck in my head and in what I do that I really don't use IRC at all. Well I'm diving into that too, we'll see how it goes.

I've also been having these strange deja-vu type feelings today, I would see something and then it triggers this image in my head. I really can't see the image too clearly though, it's almost as if I'm trying to remember and old dream or movie but its just not coming through. Its pretty strange... I dunno.

Look at this.........

Evolutionary Psychology and Natural Rejection: Thoughts on Rejection in the Mating Process
by William A. Spriggs

Now let's suppose for a moment that we have selected someone that we would like as a mate. Once our eyes and minds are captured by someone we find attractive, and we begin to make outward movement towards this individual as a potential mating partner, something happens. When we "naturally select" or focus attraction, we "naturally reject" all other candidates. When you make a "natural selection," you set several events into motion. Your actions effect yourself, the person you have selected, and the people you have "rejected." Now this is very important here -- when our ancestors made their selection, their natural habitat was the small social herd grouping. When a selection was made, the whole herd knew who was mating with whom. And in our earlier stages of development, they most likely mated in full view of the herd. Since every one knew whom was selected, they also knew who was not selected. It may not seem that you have rejected anyone, because your sex hormones have begun to activate, and you are too busy focusing on the events that are about to occur. But this essay is about the rejection part of the mating process. What happens when beautiful people reject our advances or fail to flirt back and we become "rejected?" Simply put, it hurts emotionally. And the crux of this essay, is to ask, why?

When one is rejected in the mating selection process one feels a sense of loss, of not being able to obtain the goal of our innate mating objectives. We become saddened because we will not be allowed to feel the comfort associated with being close to a loved one. The chemical "balance" of being wanted and needed by a potential mate is very desirable. The linking of one's soul to another gives us a anchor in uncertain times. It gives justification and motivation to provide and care for one's mate and one's children. It is our passage to the next world. It is our claim to perpetuity. In the mating process, our innate feelings drive us to find that someone, because the locating of a mate is a milestone in our lives. We search for a mate because it help's to bring stability to our lives. From this stability, we then begin to focus our attention to building those events that enhance our lives and the lives of our future children. Most of us don't stay sad for long when we are rejected. The process of being rejected by a potential mate means not only negative feelings and a blow to our self-image, but the frustration of having to make the search all over again. It means going on another diet or exercise program; joining a social group to meet new possibilities; going to new places and doing new things. I theorize that, in terms of evolutionary psychology, our depression at rejection is caused by the unconscious realization that we have slipped one step closer to being pushed out of the circle that forms a core social grouping among primates-- one small step away from feeling secure--to one step closer to death and extinction.

Black Sheep Effect

I've reintroduced myself to the study of psychology, I've always been interested by psychology because of the answers it seemed to have brought me about alot of things. Aside from some readings and a few social sciences classes I haven't really gotten back into it though. I think since then I've been in my thoughts... viewing and analyzing what's going on. I need to go back to that learning process and see what else i can pick up. I think a little bit of evolutionary psychology should work, some more social psychology, and throw in a little bit on the study of behavior for good measure. I think I have used up the knowledge that I have gained so far, I need to fill that well up again.

This page on natural rejection within evolutionary psychology is very interesting indeed.

Get those brain juices flowin and look at some of the courses that are open to the public over at MIT. I was very interested when it first came out that they were doing this, it has more classes now than when I first looked at it.

Feeling like a real slacker today.....feelings of having nothing accomplished are just overflowing within me. My idea of the day doesn't even seem to be there for me, so now I'm just flying by the seat of my pants trying to find stuff to do. Found this article about hooking up a PS2 in your car, it's a little basic and pretty much common sense but hey it is something to look at. This site is a lot more interesting in the fact that you're hooking up a computer in your car with a hell of a lot more features to it. Eventually I want to do that, but the current car and current funds are not gonna allow for something like that. I guess that did give me something to look for, for a hot second.... motorized in-dash LCD screens. I actually found some really cheap ones for about $150, I'll have to do something one day for a low budget media center for the car.
Oh .. yea, I didn't get the network admin position.... but that seemed kind of obvious from the beginning though. Oh well, I'll just have to deal with the customer service for a little while longer.