Another day, Another drill weekend.... It wasn't so bad really. I mean a picnic on Sat. and an all day urinalysis on Sun. So basically we did nothing the whole time, I even came late today so I really didn't do anything. Our old First Sergeant... First Sergeant Richter is back :( definitely un-hooah. We'll see how this is going to work out. I really need to get to workin on my bike as well, the 2nd gear is just completely gone and its drivin me crazy. From the instructions I found it didnt seem too difficult... just time consuming. So one day I'll work on that, one day after I get moved into the house. Supposedly I'll be able to get in by next weekend so we'll see about that.

You know what, I think I have stepped into something I want to learn more about. After my post I just started doing some research to see if I could find some kind of data to use for the equation when I found this How to win the one you want... I found this so interesting because it goes along with changing the values in the equation to get the desired effect. You know this whole site is fairly interesting, but let me continue on with what I was doin in the first place. I see my next stop has landed me at MSN, with a story about finding those "missed connections". Going along with the articles my search came across a July 2002 archive at Greatboyfriends.com. Consum-mate.com another hop along the journey, this seems more like on where to find the people you like. Beingaman.com will probably be my last stop for the day, I think I've probably found enough research items to further develop my thesis. I think that with all of this it will bring me to the subject of "Game", all in all it should be a good post.

True love is when your heart and your mind are saying the same thing.

I think I've probably debated, talked, and thought over the whole friends
dating issue just about long enough now. Different people have different
views and different stories, I think under it all they are all pretty much
the same though. It's hard to piece together what exactly is the same
between them all but I can get a general picture. I do think there are
different degrees to this friendship to dating ratio. I think alot of it has
to do with how a woman classifies a man from the very beginning, then how
the man plans on persuing things from the start. It's kind of like the Chaos Theoryin affect,
there are precise values that start off this equation and bring it to its
solution. Of course you change the values you change the equation, thereby
changing the results. Now.... Can you change the value of that equation
after it has already been calculated? That is a very good question. So for
this to work it would have to be more of probability question, instead of a
simple math equation. Then you start talking about things like "certain and
impossible events" , dependant events, and conditional probability... you
know things like that. So like the probability of someone dating a friend
would probably rely on the probablity that there are feelings... mutual or
not. Maybe you can add in the probability of attraction, Past events also
play a role in this If a person has been in a similiar situation before then
they will definitely lean more towards a certain answer. A person's outlook
on how the future is gonna play out has something to offer. So let's see
P(FriendsDating) = (P(Feelings) * P(Attraction) * P(PastEvents) *
P(Expectations)* (Game *.01) * (Attitude *.01))/P(CoEDFriend). This is just something off the top of my
head, so the probability that you would wind up in a relationship with a
friend of yours would probably be based on the probability of feelings,
attraction, past events, and future outlooks all on top of the probability
of even being able to be friends with someone of the opposite sex. Now the
exact probablities of each of these events... I'm not sure of. Maybe
researching that will be my next goal or somethin.... but its a rough
outline off the top of my head. What does it really mean? Does it give the
much needed insight into the world of dating? ..... No, but it could get you
to think a little bit more though.

House update - Still not done... At least the kitchen is almost finished, the cabinets are in the plumbing still needs to be done though. I think I may have figured out what I need to do to my laundry room, some indoor outdoor carpet should do the trick. Now exactly which color Im gonna use.... I don't know yet. I don't even know what colors I'm trying to do for the rest of the house. I need to get that together pretty soon......speaking of pretty soon, I have drill this weekend almost forgot. hmmmm ---------------->>>>><<<<<<--------- Ok, yea its still in the back of my mind.... can't seem to shake it. I think I'm to the point to where I need to, for my own sanity sake. ---------------- The 626 is a piece of crap and I really do need to get a new car. If I can just stick to the plan and get a duplex first then I should be able to get the car that I want, instead of just any old thing.

Email Blogging

I just wanted to test and see if my email blogging is working.... carry on.

It's funny how your heart and your mind sometimes clash against each other on different occasions. I guess I can speak on something that I have experience with on both sides of the fence. Wanting someone that you feel is right for you but that person doesn't feel the same way, I have definitely seen both sides to that. You do however live, learn, and move on.....an experience that you won't forget and one that will definitely change your life. I just watched the butterfly effect...you know the movie Ashton Kutcher changing his past.... Chaos Theory...hmmm... still dont know. Well anyways, one thing that I agree with is that one decision could drastically effect ones life. It was just so crazy how he would go back change something and then everything would be so bad afterwards. The director's cut was pretty crazy, I need to see the regular version to see how much different it is because the endings make it a totally different movie. Anyways, like I said your actions obviously do have a great effect on the rest of your life.... and i just lost my point. Well it was a pretty crazy movie regardless.

Ok, I needed to write something down before I blew up. How in the world can "It may or may not work" be a valid answer for not wanting to get involved with someone. May or may not is the way of the world.... its what happens each and everyday. Its something that we live with and have to deal with everyday. Who am I to say I'm not gonna do something cuz I may fail at it. I may as well lay down and die now because I dont want to attempt anything and not have it work out. I guess that's so easy to say when there is nothing on the line, so what if there is. What if something that you care for alot is hanging in the balance of this may or may not situation.... would you want to risk it. --------------------------STOP EVERYTHING------------ :| That's basically how it is right now. I think its safe to say I should look forward.



I'm gonna write this down so that I make sure to get all my thoughts lined up and my side clear. I really do think that this whole issue of being friends with someone and then turning that into a relationship, is one that's gonna be on my top 10 list of things to talk about. I don't really think there are too many people who share the same point of view as me, but thats not gonna deter me from how I feel about it. Well now that I think about it my parents probably side with me since they were friends before they were together. So that's 2 people to the side of TJ. Now let's see if I can get into the whole nitty gritty of the issue. Why are people so afraid of it, why do they think it is so destined for doom, and can it actually work.
For one I think having a relationship with a person who was your friend first is some kind of urban legend. Everybody's mother-sister-cousin has a horror story of when they had a romantic relationship with a friend that went wrong and it was never the same after. So those horror stories fuel the minds and hearts of people because they never want that same horror to fall upon them. They might as well make a horror movie about it since its so damn frightening. I mean it gets to the point to where when you bring up the subject the only thing that gets discussed is what happens when it doesn't work. What happens when it does work? Where are the horror stories about how people were such good friends and they pursued something more and it turned out great. You never hear about that. Those don't make the good stories, those aren't the ones you can sit and talk about with your friends...the things that went good. Even when I'm sitting around talking with my friends, all the ignorant crazy shit I've done in the past is all that gets talked about. Well I honestly don't think that people will stop being afraid of it or start doing it more just cuz one guy has a different opinion about it. You may not want to disturb what is going on with whatever friendship and you definitely couldnt take it if it didnt work out well. So I can understand why some may feel frightened of it.
Unfortunately starting a relationship with a friend always seems to get that "Doomed to Fail" Stamp of approval. I mean why is that when people always seem to want to get to know their partner on that same sort of level. But if you happen to find someone on that same level beforehand then its all wrong. What is so wrong with it?!? I guess I'm biased because I would want someone to be my friend first. I guess that's kind of like sabotage then, If I start off seeing it as being able to advance to the next stage and not the other person...that's not fair. I think I probably need to look at it that way. For me to say that I would like to be in a relationship with someone I was friends with first is kind of a setup for anyone I become friends with. They're thinking of the situation as friends only and here I am thinking of more than that. So I think I need to look at it from another way then.... I may have to rethink my stance on what I've been doing lately. So how do I get to know someone without being close enough to get to be too good of friends but still be cool enough to where I can learn enough about them to be able to see if its a good match. It used to be so easy before.... I didnt really worry about matching and fitting, if she was pretty then it was cool. I guess I have grown a little bit to know that I want more than that. I guess the only thing I wanted now was something that lasts. I'm not trying to get involved with something that is gonna end a few months from now. I'm not gonna dwell on it too much longer though, I think after writing this I'll probably be well vented and pretty much done.
Why do I think it would work? My parents.... My dad and my stepmother were good friends before they were together and they're doin good. Why else do I think it would work.... If I was in that situation I would want it to work. I don't think what I have to say could really satisfy the masses but its a start for me.


To My Best Friend?
by Shannbodan


This is for the greatest person
that I have ever known.
Being away from you for so long
I am feeling so alone.
With you I am so happy
you keep my heart content.
But I had to be a volunteer -
so off to England I went.
That is where I found my heart
and how I feel for you.
I try so hard to deny this feeling
and I don't know what to do.
I said that I would never again
let someone take my heart.
And here I'm sitting wanting you
and hate that we're apart.
Everyday you are in my thoughts,
every night you're in my dreams.
I can't believe what's happening,
is this really what it seems?
I know you're only wanting
to be the best of friends,
but I am asking you sincerely
if it's your rule you'll bend.
To take a chance to know me
to let me share it all.
And maybe one day very soon
for me one day you'll fall.
Our friendship we now have
is something that I'd miss
but maybe once we let go
we will find eternal bliss.



http://www.loveforum.net/showthread.php?t=591

You know what I don't know if it's difficult or not but its a pretty interesting situation, liking someone who is a good friend of yours. I don't even know how to characterize it even though I am in it. I guess somedays are better than others about how I feel about it. I do know its just something I need to deal with it, its not really like anything is gonna change anytime soon. I probably care a little bit more than i should....but who cares. :)

Well I would definitely say that my 2 1/2 week AT in South Dakota was indeed a pretty interesting one. It started with our bus to the airport going down a street not accessible by any type of big vehicle in which it got stuck. Of course it was already late and about time the bus was able to get free we missed our flight. So thanks to the good ole Army they put us on a bus from Cincinnati, OH to Custer, SD... that turned into a 28 hr road trip. I guess the bus trip wasn't too bad since I hooked up my PS2 to the bus so we could watch DVDs the whole ride there. I also found out that Nextel does not work in South Dakota....typical. Well I guess when there are only about 760k people in a whole state you tend to lose track of the people in that state if you're a big cell phone company. The worst part of the 2 weeks of course was the fact we had to stay in the woods most of the time. I guess the woods wouldn't be so bad if it felt like you were camping out, but this wasn't camping out. This was like being sent to a detention facility in the middle of nowhere. Interesting enough I did see one of those out there. Moving on to being stuck in the woods, I decided to listen to my friend who wanted to sleep on the outside of the tent since it was so nice (Now I knew it was going to turn bad just cause he wanted to). So of course 2 days later it gets cold and rainy, then it stays like that for a few days. Since then we have transferred our location from outside of the tent to a nearby humvee trailer that was sitting being unused. So we braved the elements most of the time without heat or electricity, pulling guard duties in the pitch black night with visions of mountain lions gnawing on your bones keeping me awake. Since it was so much open land and trees when the wind blue it sounded like a car zooming by on the highway. Things did start to shape up towards the end, some tents did get electricity and heat. We also got some night vision goggles to play with at night during duty, so i didnt have to think mountain lions were trying to sneak up on me. Through all this we had to incorporate a whole lot of military training. I will definitely say that I have a much greater appreciation of the training we do because like they said it will be something we will need if we get deployed. When we finally got out of the field things got a little better we were able to go out and see the city we were in. It was definitely a small city, but in my opinion it was a city I could see myself going back to. I will definitely say the ratio of women to men was something to behold. So I made it back and I didn't get eaten by a mountain lion like I thought I would so it was cool.

I think I'm finally starting to get mentally prepared for a tour of the Middle East. I know that now being in the Army reserves almost guarantees you a ticket over there. Our unit will probably leave out close to the end of the year. Of course I know its something that I will have to get used to and I'm up for the challenge. I know the change I need to make in myself will have to be a big one.

Dating....very interesting process. The dread and excitement of meeting someone new, them getting to know you, you getting to know you .... an easy process for some, for others its more of a struggle. I guess I'm kinda in the middle, leaning more towards the "struggle" side. I guess what makes it a struggle for me is seeing if people are willing to understand the person that I am. I tend to be a type of person that stays pretty low key if I'm not really used to a situation. Even then my change is on a schedule, not really one of drastic but not really grdual, I think it just takes time to get to know anybody and I'm surely no different. So I guess I'm going to give this whole dating thing a decent shot since I really haven't in the past. I have to make sure I remember that no one is going to know you right off the back and misconceptions are common. I guess in the end what I want to find is someone who has a better understanding of who I am through interacting with me.

Well my son should be here while I'm at work, him and his mother should have come in fairly recently. He could of left her at home but I don't think they allow 6 year olds to drive. I guess I'm going through the more difficult phase of the whole daddy process, dealing w/ the other parent. Not really just dealing w/ them but dealing with them when there is a disagreement. I was asked for advice on what they should do, I gave the advice and know I'm seen as controlling someone else's life for it.... ok, fine no more advice. But this will pass though, so I'm not worried. Now I just need to get things cleared up with my mother.

Oh, the freakin house is still not finished yet. :|

Damn its hot... and tomorrow is supposed to be even hotter. All I need now is a place to go to see pretty women with very little clothes.

Well today is going to be another boring post of what I did today... I worked on my house. I cut the plywood to put down in my laundry room so I can put the vinyl on top of it. I also finished the last 2 pieces of the hardwood floor for the hallway... other than that I did some more cleaning.

You know something that I noticed that is pretty funny is that alot of the girls I meet now don't eat red meat. I'm not sure when it happened but all of a sudden everyone is a vegetarian. Interesting....

See... That's what I get for not checking emails at work, I missed a 3 o'clock meeting today. They didn't say anything about it, but I know they're going to bring it up at a later date.
That pt test was no joke, my muscles are still killin me.... I need to start working out more. What did I get accomplished today...Well I finished putting in my tile floor today (somewhat, still needs grout) I'm tired... I'll be back.

I went and bought that tile to put in front of my back door, it went down pretty easy. I'll have to finish it up either today or tomorrow. It looks as if there is some water coming in through the weather stripping on my front door, so that means I won't be able to put the wood down right there until I get that fixed. I still won't be able to put the carpet in the back room till I find out where that water is coming from back there either.
Enough of the home improvement talk, I actually had some people contact me about buying the pontiac. I might go ahead and sell it to our next door neighbor's daughter though, her and her boyfriend have a newborn so they need the transportation. I was going to sell it for $800 but I see they need a car so I'm going to let them have it for $400, I hope they take care of it it was a pretty good car to me. Anything interesting happening in my life today at this moment no, I'm at work trying to scratch up some work to do. Things are starting to get slim, so I've also been looking at monster.com for any other opportunities.

The drill wasn't too bad, a lot of work though but it was ok. I actually passed my PT test, I really didn't think I was going to but I did it so I'm good. There were a few disappointments though. It was definitely confirmed that I won't be able to go on our AT (Annual Training) to Fort Meade, MD and I'll be stuck going to South Dakota with everyone else. All because of my unit not letting me now when stuff is wrong, my unit sucks. The last 2 ATs that I've been on were excellent, I went to Fort Bliss, TX (El Paso) last year and Wiesbaden Army Airfield in Germany. With those ATs I with a small group of people, its a known fact that if you go on an AT other than the company AT its gonna be good. My first year we went to Fort McCoy, WI, that was hell due to the 10-11 hour work days. But... Me being me I still went out everyday when we were there. I was determined to have fun no matter what. So this year in South Dakota is going to be no different, they even asked me to bring my satellite hookup...so its definitely going to be interesting.

This whole Iraq situation has really shakin things up in the military. One of the disappointing things that happened this weekend was when they told us that there was no longer an IRR. Now for those who don't know the IRR is the Inactive Ready Reserve, I am an Active Reservist myself. When you sign up you sign up for 6 years active reserve and 2 years inactive. So basically the just lengthened my stay in the military for another 2 years. Then anyone who is inactive right now, will be activated again. So there are going to be some angry people out there. Then they told us that our unit will be called up for rotation into Iraq fiscal year 05, which for the military is in Oct. So this is all so interesting.... Oh, and they said we probably will get activated for 18-24 months. :| This is just looking more and more promising.

I actually went back to The Yellow Rose last night after I swore I would never go there again. I only went because it was my friend's cousin's birthday, I know that's not really an excuse to go to a club I hate...but I'm always up to ride unfortunately. It wasn't too bad, but I'm not gonna become a regular or anything. I just feel I got my $3 worth that's about it. So of course doing that threw off my plan to finish up some major stuff on my house. I woke up this morning and got some stuff from Home Depot then came back home and was knocked out. It was some good sleep, but it didnt prove to be very productive. Now I have drill tomorrow which I'm dreading because I don't want to take the PT test. *Sigh* Well we'll just see how everything turns out.
I got some pretty slick ideas for the house though. I've been watching alot of different shows and getting ideas from different books. I didn't want the house to look like the bachelor pad that it actually is. I want to jazz it up to the point to where people will have to ask who helped me think of the ideas.
Ooo...I bought Siphon Filter:Omega Strain today...so I'll see how it is. In fact, I'll do that now.

Another drill weekend....These things just seem to pop up out the blue. Of course I'm just so very happy with going, but I signed up so I guess I better do it. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if we didnt have to do that stupid P.T. test. Oh well, the weekend will be over fairly quickly. Good news is that I got my floor done in the hallway and it looks pretty good. I'm getting really excited over this house stuff.... I even find myself wanting to go to Home Depot, Scary Stuff. When I was a kid I used to dread going out with my parents because I knew we would end up in some freakin hardware store somewhere. I've wasted many precious years of my life in hardware stores. It's cool now though, I got my own stuff to work on and I'm enjoying it.

Of course out all the days they say its gonna rain, its gonna do it on the one day I actually decide to ride my bike to work.... This is gonna be interesting.

House is still coming together slowly, unfortunately though while I was putting down the hardwood floor in the hallway somewhere in the process I made one of the pieces crooked. Of course I didnt notice it till I got further down the line, so now I have to go back and redo some of that. I'll get the rest of my carpet done probably next week, so that'll mean all the floors will be done except for the one in the laundry area...which is the one that NEEDS to be done. With that floor not being done I cant reinstall the water heater, which means I can't turn the gas back on, which means I can't run the air. Oh, and the bathroom still needs to be finished too. Right now the plumbing doesnt want to match up with I actually want so now the cabinets won't go back in right. If I just get my butt in there and start getting things done I'll be pretty good.
Well the temperature is right to be out riding but this rain in the forecast is killin me. I did get some good motorcycle riding in over the weekend though. It's still funny the looks that I get when people see my bike. I guess they've never seen one with tiger stripe fur on it before. I got some pretty good ideas on how to make it easier for me to put that stuff on...maybe I could even make a biz plan out of it.