....Just a Few Days Gone By

By few I should probably say about 5, so let's try and play a little bit of catch up. I should finally be closing on my house pretty soon, it has taken so long to try and get the house to this point that I'll be glad when its done. Not really looking forward to the mortgage but it's something I'll have to deal with. Then after everything settles I'll start thinking about house mods...the home automation type stuff. Something like MisterHouse will do, so I'll be able to control all different kinds of things in the house.

For those that would like to play their Divx/Xvid movies in a standalone player, I would highly recommend the Philips DVP642. I've been in a gadget buying mood lately (wasn't really trying to) and I picked this up because I really wanted a DVD player that played Divx. After I figured out how I should be burning my movies to cd I didn't have anymore problems with it. Check out this review. On the flip side to that coin be sure to avoid the JVC XV-NP10S.... Let me say that again Do Not Buy the JVC XV-NP10S. Its a nice slim dvd player with a pretty blue light in the tray, it also has plenty of card slots if you happen to use them for your digital camera/device/whatever. It just sucks at playing most Divx movies, which is not good for a certified Divx player. So the moral of this story...... buy the Philips DVP642 not because it plays Divx better, it's also $50 bucks cheaper.

Customer Service Sucks.......

Yes, I work in Customer Service.....and yes it sucks, especially today. I just got another "monitoring" form today for a call I received yesterday. Did not offer further assistance, Did not give a reference number, Did not thank the caller for calling, and did not log the call at all. On a normal call with a normal customer I would have probably did all of the above things, but this call was from another customer service rep at another company we deal with frequently. They called to say "Hey, these files are bad... send them again", so I find out what's wrong and resend them. It becomes tedious if I have to say that long drawn out speech everytime I work with these people. I guess really I was taking a chance and hoping the QA Monster was not listening in on the call.

No such luck, I had a visit quickly after logging into my phone brought with her was a form with a list of all the things I did wrong on it. She began to go down the list of charges while pointing to the various pieces of paper that have taped to my cube with the scripts that we need to remember. Blah...blah...blah...blee...blee...blee...Just give me the paper so I can sign already. SHEEP

On an up note my son should be here next week, I still need to finish some things around the house though before he gets here. Like hmmm getting another bed to put in the other bedroom and maybe getting the shower fully operational. The time seems to be running out so I need to get a move on.

What are the odds of buying someone the same exact card for a holiday like Valentine's Day or on Sweetest Day? This happened to my girlfriend and I on Sweetest Day this past Saturday. We had bought the same exact card, it was pretty funny and interesting all at the same time. I guess that does show that we pretty much feel the same way since the card probably best said the way we feel about each other.

Trip to Chicago
Well I drove up to Chicago with my girlfriend with the intentions on bringing back a rat terrier puppy. Well we didn't get the puppy, but I think we still had a good time regardless.
The hotel was pretty nice, even though they tried to stick us in the same room as someone else. Yea that's right, right after we checked in this other young couple had checked in and we happened to follow them into the parking garage and happened to follow them onto the third floor of the hotel. We almost happened to follow them into room 325 on that same floor but we both found that kind of odd. We went back down to the lobby to tell the front desk person that there was someone else that just walked into our room. After he checked to find out who checked the people in, he apologized and set us up in a "nicer" room. So we hurried off and went to our room before they changed their mines about the nicer room. I'm still not sure how much nicer it was since I didn't get to see the other one though.
I even attempted to see my best friend in Milwaukee since we were so close. I had talked to him prior to coming up there and he sounded pretty happy we were coming. He did mention that he was drinking some Paul Mason and some kind of 211 beer that I have never heard of, That was pretty much the last sentence I heard from him. When we got there his girlfriend answered his phone and told me that he was pretty much trashed and not responsive to anything. We went over his girlfriend's house and there he was just spread out on the bed....not going anywhere for a long while. His girlfriend attempted to wake him when we got there and when that worked attempted to have me wake him... even though I knew that was gonna have the same effect as me poking him with a q-tip. So not to totally ruin her Sweetest Day, we all went out to CO2 Ultra Lounge it was a pretty nice place and a nice change from the places here in Dayton. After that we left and went back to Chicago.
Even though we didn't get the dog while we were there, I really enjoyed the time we had. To be able to spend some time away felt pretty good. I'm really looking forward to the next trip to NY.

Before I get into the detail of my weekend there are two things that I need to be sure to write about. They both have to deal with two small problems I had when using my linux box a couple times. One has to do with eth0 not starting up on boot and the other was a problem with the cdrom drive refusing to open.

Eth0 not starting on boot

Well for a few weeks now I have been having this problem, It probably happened the last time my cable internet went down and didnt come back up. I went in and changed something on my network settings to get my network connection back up but never changed it back. Not really sure what it was, and I really didn't notice the problem till I tried to run Nmap recently. It kept telling me that I had to specify my source address because it could not find it. I found it interesting since I have DHCP running and I should have had one.
After the ifconfig indeed showed me that there was no IP specified for eth0 I had to try to resolve that. Since I use redhat I went into "neat" and saw that my network device was eth0:1 instead of eth0. To get my network connection working on startup again I copied the ifcfg-eth0:1 into ifcfg-eth0. When I did this it showed eth0 as a selection for one of the network devices. I deactivated eth0:1 and activated eth0, did a restart, and it came up on boot this time. I also did an ifconfig and saw that I also had an IP address. I think this also caused me some network congestion problems, but that had to do with my gateways. On to the next problem...

Cdrom drive will not open

This was a very interesting problem since at the time I thought I had no programs running and I wasn't currently doing anything to the drive. Every time I tried to unmount the drive though it gave me the "device is busy" error. So I had to figure out what in the world was going on, so I did a google search for possible solutions to my problem. I found that in LSOF, I did /usr/sbin/lsof /mnt/cdrom and it showed me a process that still had a hold of the cdrom drive. After I killed the process I was able to unmount the drive finally.

::: GMAIL invites to anyone who needs one, I have 3 left :::

I had a pretty good weekend I just got in from Chicago.... I'll fill in the details tomorrow.

How many people actually know someone with the first name Tillman? ...... Don't count me

Read MAC disks on your PC

I have to say that this free utility to read mac disks was pretty easy to use. The only thing I did was basically download it, run the program, and drag 'n drop the files into Windows Explorer. That's it.... and it's free

To be able to read MAC disks - Download it from here
Visit homepage

I stopped by my parents house today to kill some time before I had to go into work. Shewas talking to me about things I needed to finish doing to my house to get it together and stuff she wanted to do to their house in the near future. Then she happened to mention a message left for me from a Congressman Thomas Reynold's office inviting me to an Annual Dinner with President Bush. Now first off, how in the world did they pick the people to come? and why me? It is pretty interesting though, I'll probably call them to find out what its about. My dad got one for Kerry, so I am interested in hearing where they are getting the names from. Now onto something else...

A digital home is something that I have been thinking about for a little while now. There are so many different things that I want to do to my house and to put in my house that I felt I could write for days on all of it. Well the story that I saw in this month's PC Magazine was pretty much exactly what I've been thinking of doing and wanting to do. From DVRs and Video Games to Wireless Networking and Security Cameras, I basically want to do it all. I think this could function as a guide and inspiration for all of it, of course I'll pick and choose what actual technologies I would use in my personal project.

Even though a lot of the products that they choose to use in this guide are pretty nice and slick, I don't have pretty nice and slick money. So I'll more than likely begin finding different open source and free software alternatives whenever possible. For the hardware I would more than likely have to see how low and I can and still have some relatively decent equipment to work with.

So I guess I can now combine my dream of an Uber-network into my plans for my Uber-house. I'll provide links later for everything.

I know what I always sit around and think about.... What if they made movies that I like into Hip-Hop musicals, that would be interesting. Ok, I really don't sit around and think about that but I did find something that was pretty damn close and pretty damn good.

Star Wars - Gangsta Rap Special Edition

The intergalactic gangsta rap now has a whole new flava in this Star Wars Gangsta Rap Special Edition. This remake features all-new and improved animation that would blow away any Death Star. Check it today.

Thanks to Muts for dropping through, He's the one who brought you the Whoppix that I seem to be talking so much about lately. You can find him here. I'll be sure to send those videos to you when I'm done.

Man Melts Pot While Boiling Water

I guess today is just one of those days, a day where it is just extra blah for one reason or another. Well I guess it really didn't get that way for me till I had an accident trying to boil water. I know....accident and trying to boil water should not be that close together in one sentence, but that's the way it goes today.

I poured the other half bottle of Drano down the kitchen sink in another attempt to try and dislodge this stubborn clog. I'm really not sure if it is even a clog, the way the water is moving it seems more likely to be a small body.....well not really, but its moving pretty damn slow. Well since I'm getting just getting my gas cut on since I moved in the house I currently don't have any hot water. As per the instructions on the back of the bottle I needed some hot water, so as I did just the night before I put a pot of water on the stove ..... on high. (Mistake #1) Then me being me I left the room and became distracted by computers and video games. (Mistake #2) After becoming so distracted I forgot about the pot of water in the kitchen sitting on the stove on high.... so I left.

I come home about an hour and a half later to house filled with a smell similiar to a factory. As I went into the kitchen and looked at the stove I see an empty pot with a red bottom. I know that's bad for the simple fact that I have never seen a pot get that color before. I knew it was really bad when I picked up the pot and liquid metal came pouring out onto the stove. Of course, when the metallic liquid came out it began to harden on the stove surface. After all was said and done the casualties were two of the silver plates under the eyes on the stove, and alot of burn marks on top. I'm just glad the stove was the only thing to get burned..... but I honestly do know how to boil water. Oh, and cook.

HACKER:

[originally, someone who makes furniture with an axe]

1. A person who enjoys exploring the details of programmable systems and how to stretch their capabilities, as opposed to most users, who prefer to learn only the minimum necessary.
2. One who programs enthusiastically (even obsessively) or who enjoys programming rather than just theorizing about programming.
3. A person capable of appreciating hack value.
4. A person who is good at programming quickly.
5. An expert at a particular program, or one who frequently does work using it or on it; as in `a UNIX hacker'. (Definitions 1 through 5 are correlated, and people who fit them congregate.)
6. An expert or enthusiast of any kind. One might be an astronomy hacker, for example.
7. One who enjoys the intellectual challenge of creatively overcoming or circumventing limitations.
8. [deprecated] A malicious meddler who tries to discover sensitive information by poking around. Hence "password hacker", "network hacker". The correct term is cracker.

Where I found this HERE


:::EDIT::: I did not see that this post really messed up the browser under IE, So I changed it.... Should be good now.

While you're out and about go pick up yourself an email icon to show off to all of your friends. They currently have Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo, and MSN.

"If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater."

Been kinda quiet lately, I guess that's good.... no problems to report .... Everything is O.K. Well I'm supposed to be going with my best friend to go pick up a dog this weekend. I guess that means I still have time to add my input into the name thing, although any names that I really thought up would either be tech related or just dog. I'm not sure everyone would appreciate "Dog" as the dog's name though. It's gonna be a long trip to go get the dog, but hell I'm all for a getaway even if it's to the middle of nowhere (a.k.a. Illinois).

I need to figure out what I'm gonna do with the other bedroom, my son should be down here at the end of the month and I need to have something in there for him. I either need to make it just a kids room or a room that "big" people can sleep in..... hmmm we'll have to see what I do.

Sweetest day is coming up, this will actually be a year that I will remember the day before its actually over with.

A site I came upon awhile ago that I'm not sure if I mentioned or not: Cooking For Engineers.

Well I downloaded my copy of WHoppix - 2.4 and have gotten to play with it a little bit..... good stuff. I was also trying to look around to find some more stuff on the pieces that went together to make WHoppix what it is:
MetaSploit Framework, Part 1
MetaSploit Framework, Part 2
MetaSploit Framework, Part 3

K-OTIK Exploits & Code

PacketStorm

I'll start making up some videos of WHoppix in action when I get a chance.

Well it seems as if they've pushed back the realize of Whoppix 2.4 till the 10th, the more I read about it the more I get interested. The Demos that they have are pretty interesting to :D
*These Flash movies are fairly large and will take awhile over dial-up*
Metasploit in Action
Cisco HTTP Bug
Wireless WEP Attack
Getting NESSUS to Work

I got an older laptop that I can use this with, I can't wait for it to come out.

WhiteHat Knoppix (Whoppix) is a knoppix 3.6 remaster designed to be a standalone penetration testing toolkit. Heavily modded by muts, Whoppix includes a full set of penetration testing tools and a huge repository of exploits (Framework 2.2, Packetstorm and Securityfocus exploit archives).

Dowanload will be available on the 10th Oct HERE

MD5 Checksum d87e7e90f9a1f80bb2954e1db865a130 *Whoppix-2.4.iso

A friend had just called me all in a panic because a disk holding all of her papers for class just crapped on her. She stuck it in the machine and it told her that it can not read a MAC formatted disk. Unfortunately for her she has only been using PCs, so when she asked if I could help my first reaction was like there is no way windows can read a MAC disk. Well I checked and they actually have software that can do it, Executor is one solution. Executor is a Macintosh Emulator, I'm not really sure of all of its capabilities but I'll download it and test it out at home. Well hell....If Windows can do it then Linux obviously can do it better :D and damnnit it does. Besides Executor being able to run on Linux, you can read Macintosh Hierarchical File System (HFS) thanks to kernal 2.x.x. I can prove it too..... See. So we'll see if I can open the file from home, then we'll see if she's really hosed or not.

I couldn't really tell you why I'm up so freakin early, I did fall asleep on the floor again. Another one of those nights where a talk on the with my best friend turns into falling asleep next to the phone while its on speakerphone. I think it was a weird dream I had that woke me up....ormaybe just the frog in my neck that was killing me while I slept. Anyways, I've been up for about 40 mins though...got up and got some cereal...transferred my space heater to my bedroom from the computer room...try to figure out why my network seems to act up when there is something plugged into port 3 of the switch...do another base-config on my fresh debian install....see, just typical stuff people do when they just happen to get up too early.
I've been joining a lot of different websites lately, all of them dealing with hacking or technology. They all seem to be good sources of information and if they are new they seem like they will one day develop into that. I think I've joined a few too many though cuz I think I may have forgotten which ones I went to already.
I'm kind of tired, but that still isn't keeping me away from this computer. I wanna lay back down but I know that if I lay back on the floor that I'm not gonna be comfortable in any way. Right now my room is too cold to be of any comfort either, so I guess I'm stuck here for now. I applied for this "Desktop Support Analyst" position and the guy keeps emailing me back wanting more detail in my resume. I guess I can work on that but the problem I'm having is figuring out what to put and how to put it. Anything that I've learned about computers has been self taught, I've only taking one computer class that I didn't know what I was doing. (That was high school in an IB Programming class that I hated) So trying to put down my experiences and trying to some how make them look a little bit more formal is what's killing me. I guess there is nothing more that I can do except do it, so we'll see what I can cram into there.

I keep forgetting these simple commands for some reason, so I'll put them here (Redhat 8):

Burn the ISO after I've downloaded it
cdrecord -v speed=8 dev=0,0,0 blahblah.iso

Burn the VCD after I've downloaded the .cue and .bin files
cdrdao write --device 0,0,0 blahblahblah.cue

Create an ISO image from directory
mkisofs -r -o /image.iso /dir_of_files_to_use

Reference Page
How to become a Hacker

:::EDIT:::
I just finished a Debian 3.0 (Sarge) net install that was fairly painless, however, the machine on it is too freakin slow and my retarded self downloaded the desktop environment when all I really needed was a file server. I'll figure out how to take all that other junk out later.

You think you know what cool is..... but you have no idea

See what cool looks like

....and I definitely know you don't what being "too cool" is.

You know what, I think I may really have to try out that Whoppix but I'm gonna wait for version 2.4 to come out this week. I think I'm gonna have a lot of fun with it.

I'm hearing a little buzz about Whoppix, a linux live-cd distro geared towards penetration testers and also those who wouldn't mind getting their hands on a website full of exploits all rolled up into one convenient little package. I'm currently at work so there's not much I can do from here. I'll download it and play with it when I get home though.
I had changed my stats counter a few weeks ago to use the one from Statcounter.com, and I will definitely say that I am very pleased with the results of that and with IpLocator as well.

Started playing a wargame over at Next Generation Security, I would definitely say this is some very interesting stuff hopefully I can make the rank of "g00r00" so I can start on the next one. I've done a couple of these before but I've always seemed to have gotten bored or just forgotten about it. I think I'll stick with this one to the end, I need to add to my skillset and this is just the way to do it. I'm currently at a level 5 working on level 6.... my goal will be to get my skills to the point where I can pass their certification exam.
Other than that I had a pretty damn good weekend, hung out with my best friend for the whole time which is always a plus. If she wasnt around I would probably be spending a lot more time staring at a blank ceiling than I already do. :)

*Sigh* ..... man ...... Today is not really a bad day or anything, nothing is wrong, nothing just too out of this world fantastic has happened either... just a day. I guess I've been thinking a lot more lately, I know that we think all the time.... but I guess recently my brain has been working a little more than usual. That's not necessarily a bad thing either I guess it was just something that I noticed. I guess I would describe it as a thinking mood, not really reacting too much just soaking up everything. I find it funny sometimes that people usually don't realize how much I pay attention to things or how much I may actually know but don't talk about. I don't fault people for doing that because really the majority of the time you're dealing with other people they're not really paying much attention anyways. But for some odd reasons most people don't like it when other people think they "know" them or what they're gonna do. People don't really like to see as if they can be easily figured out like a simple math problem. So I never really say anything about it and really use anything that I feel I may have learned to myself. I don't claim to just be able to instantly know everything about a person, but I will stick to it and learn what makes them tick then just try to put the pieces together. I guess it's just something about figuring out what makes people tick that makes doing it so interesting.

I went to court today to fight my ticket for "Noise ordinance", I felt I did not deserve the ticket (Do we ever?) on the fact that I didnt have my windows down trying to blast my music for everyone to here. I also wasn't in the area where the cop said I was on the ticket... you see I was outside of the city limits but he put it upon himself to put an address on the ticket that was inside the city limits. So as I went into court today, feeling all sorts of butterflies and knots in my body from going over my whole story of what I wanted to say, I began to just daze off waiting for everything to get going. The prosecutor began calling off peoples' names and talking to them to see what she could do for them. So guess who shows up next to me, Mr. Officer in his sporty blue corduroy blazer, "Have you talked to the prosecutor yet?.....Well I'll talk to her and get a deal for you." I found that very suspicious given the fact that I knew he knew that I knew that he knew he didn't pull me over within the city limits. So the prosecutor calls me up and tells me the deal .... "The officer has agreed to drop your ticket, so all that leaves are the court costs". So hey why fight it, talked to the judge ...agreed...and paid my $65. I probably still should have fought it more though but I'll save that for next time. I would also like to say... NO THANKS!!! to my people at Pre-Paid Legal. They basically told me they couldn't help me with this ticket but I could pay a reduced rate for an attorney. Yea whatever!!!!

I was sitting here thinking about the plan I had adopted when I moved to Ohio, I had it in my head that the way I acted when I lived in Milwaukee was completely unacceptable. So I set out to change my ways in hopes that one day I could live and feel free from the shackles of whatever guilt that I had from before. There's two things wrong with that scenario.... for one, I'm thinking that I changed the wrong things..... two, I changed the wrong things. I changed into what I thought was the right direction to go. I just needed to continue being who I was and not worry about all the other crap going on.

I have found a few more places to roam Elite Hackers and Phrak, I've been to Phrak before but I havent went there in awhile. I've always found very helpful information from there and it looks like Elite Hackers will provide some as well. Would you believe that with all this tech crap stuck in my head and in what I do that I really don't use IRC at all. Well I'm diving into that too, we'll see how it goes.

I've also been having these strange deja-vu type feelings today, I would see something and then it triggers this image in my head. I really can't see the image too clearly though, it's almost as if I'm trying to remember and old dream or movie but its just not coming through. Its pretty strange... I dunno.

Look at this.........

Evolutionary Psychology and Natural Rejection: Thoughts on Rejection in the Mating Process
by William A. Spriggs

Now let's suppose for a moment that we have selected someone that we would like as a mate. Once our eyes and minds are captured by someone we find attractive, and we begin to make outward movement towards this individual as a potential mating partner, something happens. When we "naturally select" or focus attraction, we "naturally reject" all other candidates. When you make a "natural selection," you set several events into motion. Your actions effect yourself, the person you have selected, and the people you have "rejected." Now this is very important here -- when our ancestors made their selection, their natural habitat was the small social herd grouping. When a selection was made, the whole herd knew who was mating with whom. And in our earlier stages of development, they most likely mated in full view of the herd. Since every one knew whom was selected, they also knew who was not selected. It may not seem that you have rejected anyone, because your sex hormones have begun to activate, and you are too busy focusing on the events that are about to occur. But this essay is about the rejection part of the mating process. What happens when beautiful people reject our advances or fail to flirt back and we become "rejected?" Simply put, it hurts emotionally. And the crux of this essay, is to ask, why?

When one is rejected in the mating selection process one feels a sense of loss, of not being able to obtain the goal of our innate mating objectives. We become saddened because we will not be allowed to feel the comfort associated with being close to a loved one. The chemical "balance" of being wanted and needed by a potential mate is very desirable. The linking of one's soul to another gives us a anchor in uncertain times. It gives justification and motivation to provide and care for one's mate and one's children. It is our passage to the next world. It is our claim to perpetuity. In the mating process, our innate feelings drive us to find that someone, because the locating of a mate is a milestone in our lives. We search for a mate because it help's to bring stability to our lives. From this stability, we then begin to focus our attention to building those events that enhance our lives and the lives of our future children. Most of us don't stay sad for long when we are rejected. The process of being rejected by a potential mate means not only negative feelings and a blow to our self-image, but the frustration of having to make the search all over again. It means going on another diet or exercise program; joining a social group to meet new possibilities; going to new places and doing new things. I theorize that, in terms of evolutionary psychology, our depression at rejection is caused by the unconscious realization that we have slipped one step closer to being pushed out of the circle that forms a core social grouping among primates-- one small step away from feeling secure--to one step closer to death and extinction.

Black Sheep Effect

I've reintroduced myself to the study of psychology, I've always been interested by psychology because of the answers it seemed to have brought me about alot of things. Aside from some readings and a few social sciences classes I haven't really gotten back into it though. I think since then I've been in my thoughts... viewing and analyzing what's going on. I need to go back to that learning process and see what else i can pick up. I think a little bit of evolutionary psychology should work, some more social psychology, and throw in a little bit on the study of behavior for good measure. I think I have used up the knowledge that I have gained so far, I need to fill that well up again.

This page on natural rejection within evolutionary psychology is very interesting indeed.

Get those brain juices flowin and look at some of the courses that are open to the public over at MIT. I was very interested when it first came out that they were doing this, it has more classes now than when I first looked at it.

Feeling like a real slacker today.....feelings of having nothing accomplished are just overflowing within me. My idea of the day doesn't even seem to be there for me, so now I'm just flying by the seat of my pants trying to find stuff to do. Found this article about hooking up a PS2 in your car, it's a little basic and pretty much common sense but hey it is something to look at. This site is a lot more interesting in the fact that you're hooking up a computer in your car with a hell of a lot more features to it. Eventually I want to do that, but the current car and current funds are not gonna allow for something like that. I guess that did give me something to look for, for a hot second.... motorized in-dash LCD screens. I actually found some really cheap ones for about $150, I'll have to do something one day for a low budget media center for the car.
Oh .. yea, I didn't get the network admin position.... but that seemed kind of obvious from the beginning though. Oh well, I'll just have to deal with the customer service for a little while longer.

Ramble Rant

I sit here in my 3 walled cube contemplating about where my life has been, what it is, and where it is going. I know for certain that what I want out of life is way more than what I have right now. I'm not really sure how its gonna come about though, There are other times when I'm not even sure its gonna come about at all. It gets very easy sometimes to succomb to the voices telling you that you can't get what you want. That's when the plans for the future just seem to crumble right in front of your very eyes. I was never really to fond of making out plans before, especially the ones that had to deal with.... Life. I don't think I can answer the "What are you doing in 5 years?" type questions, but I do know that I want my plans to be a success. Hell, I may even say that I know they will be.

Friday ..... and not a day too soon, another sequence of days at this place called work and I would probably fall out or something. It was just one of those weeks that you wish was over on Monday... No... wait, Sunday night before the week even gets started. Every once in awhile those weeks comes around and just bugs the fuck out of you, but what can you do. This day is beginning to drag ass straight from jump, hopefully its not like this the rest of the night..... Wait, what am I saying? Of course its gonna be like this for the rest of the night, nothing left but to kick back and enjoy. Tmorrow should be good though hopefully get some cleaning done early, see a movie or something, maybe my best friend would come through or whatever.

I did figure out how to get these VCDs I downloaded onto CD, I was being lazy about at first and wasn't looking hard enough to find the answer. Out of the whole procedure I had the simpliest part to do, just put the thing on CD.
I run RedHat 8 on the machine where the VCDs are, so all i really needed to use was CDRDAO. The command was: cdrdao write --device 0,0,0 movie.cue

And that begins the burning process, if you dont know what the device number is just do this command:
cdrecord -scanbus
Find the device number for your burner and stick it in in place of the 0,0,0 that I have. Other than that the process was relatively painless, now I just need to figure out how to turn other movies into VCDs.

These links go out to all of my fellow techies working in the trenches of tech support in help desks, call centers, and CS positions all around the world.

Tech Support Comedy
Bullshitjob

Check out the tribute to Office Space on Bullshitjob.com

I have finally come to the distinct realization that I really am a sheep in this thing called "Corporate America" even if I was trying so hard not to be. I started this job thinking I could use my big brain for something useful... come up with all kinds of time saving programs and scripts, making things more efficient, more productive. I know realize that it is not my job to do that, they don't pay me to think ... just do. The funny thing is that it took me this long to finally realize that. I guess that's why doing your own thing is so important, so you can feel like less of a sheep than you already do.

You know what else I think my problem is.... I really want to break free of that. Break free of alot of things and not have to just do and follow.... I want to be able to be, live, and enjoy. What I think bothers me the most is just being another face in the crowd, when I want to be so much more.

I would also like to add that even though I maybe a sheep right now, I should still be out there fighting on. Trying to help other sheep not be sheep any longer.

Find MP3s using Google

Now I'm gonna say that you should only download legal MP3s, I'm not gonna promote illegal downloading or anything..... but this was just something that I saw that I needed to share.

Find MP3s using Google

I got the idea when I saw the show notes for The Screensavers and they were talking about this. I figured they obviously were searching and found this so I could probably find it too. It's a fairly interesting use of Google, which only leaves me to think of what other things can you search for.

It's sort of funny how things seem to come back around on you, that whole reaping what you sow thing... yea thats it. I guess I've always been paranoid about it because I know all of the things that I have sowed.....with relationships in particular. Now I'm not saying that I had a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship recently that has shown me that. I do have a friendship though that has shown me that, certain things in my life still have not been dealt with. I think I have come a long ways from before though, I no longer feel bound with trying to keep up these many worlds and many faces that I created. Things have become a lot clearer as well, I still had those things I was holding on to though. Fear of the not known, fear of not having control, fear of being hurt ..... Those will definitely slow down and progress that I feel I may have made. So I guess from now I'll probably try to adopt more of a "Fuck It" approach, not really in a bad way fuck it but just become more open, more vulnerable, and pretty much more receptive. I'm still a really closed off person and I've never wanted to deal with it, now I think I will.

Had the interview today and it went pretty well if I do say so. There were quite a few other people that applied for the position, so we'll have to see how I do against the crowd. I know I would definitely love my job after that, I would actually get to do some techy type stuff. Not to say that I don't already have some tech stuff interlaced into my work, but it's starting to feel a little different now. My job doesnt really feel as techy as it once did before, I guess now I know its just commands you push to bring up the information you need. It's not really much different that having a gui with all the buttons and stuff. Now it just seems kind of backward and outdated, the interface that we use could be alot better but of course there's really not gonna be any research into that. I thought about doing it and trying to come up with some easy to use scripts in PHP or something.... I dunno if I don't get the admin position I may still think of that.

This is something that I wrote up a few years ago

Subject: Privacy Issues...Freedom Issues...
Sent: 10/10/01 1:50 PM EDT
By: tj1037

How many people are really concerned with the privacy and freedom related issues that have been in the news the past few months. Freedom issues which seem to really come to light after all the drama with Napster. Yet people weren`t really for or against Napster for what it was actually doing, helping distribute copyrighted music, everybody was basicallly indifferent. What most people were angry about was the fact that it took away from a lot of freedoms we might have enjoyed before MP3s became commonplace; Fair use is one. Issues against the DMCA (Digital Millennium Copyright Act), which brought the whole online music scene to life, were being fought out by only a few. Now a new bill is headed our way the SSSCA, which basically says that new technology will begin to be made with copy protection controls to prevent anymore illegal copying. This includes any digital content or consumer electronic device, and any violations could result into 5 years in prison or $500,000 in fines. But hey if you don`t watch bootlegs or even burn your own CDs, you might not find any of this scary.

After the Sept. 11th attacks issues related to online privacy have begun to resurface. Such as talks against Americans to have in their possession any type of strong encryption programs. Or even the fact that the government has begun to monitor emails even more than before. As before you might not even shop on websites that use the encryption to process your orders and it might not bother you to have God knows who else reading your emails.

What are your own personal views on this or other subjects like this?

http://www.wired.com/news/politics/0,1283,46747,00.html

http://www.wired.com/news/politics/0,1283,46655,00.html

http://www.msnbc.com/news/TECHPRIVACY_front.asp

http://www.google.com/search?q=dmca

Well tomorrow is the day, I get my chance to be interviewed for the freshly vacant network admin position. It almost seems pointless though as they have already seemed to have found their golden boy. So I guess I could just call this interview practice for any future network admin positions that may come up, more than likely at a different company though. I've been doin customer service for about 2 years now, when I began I was just so excited and pumped at the opportunity to be doing a job even remotely IT related. Now I'm here collecting my check.... Thanks to all of the QA, employee monitoring, and write ups I have lost just about all enthusiasm I once had for my job. I used to always sit and think of ways to try and optimize the way we did our work, the tools that we used, and how we used them. Now it just seems as if it no longer matters, who cares that I use windows NT, who cares about the errors, who cares about the sluggishness, who cares that the customer can not seem to find his message for the umpteenth time.
I need to start looking into some more options before I become a little bit too cynical on the job. I did find something though that may get me going for a little while though. I currently have 2 computers under my work desk: a Windows NT box, and a HP (HP-UX 10.20) box. My thing is that I do not want to log into the HP anymore, I take a few calls every now and then though where I'll have to access stuff on that box because it connects to another server to bring up the data. I don't know where the information is coming from so that I could try and get to it from my windows box. I also do not know how to find out on my HP where it goes to get this stuff. So my thoughts are is that I need to set up some remote sessions on my windows box to access my hp so that I can view my desktop on the hp remotely and access those special links that go to a server I have no clue where its at and get this information I hardly ever use. I think this post may help, it points me in the right direction of Cygwin. I'll have to give it a shot and see what happens.

::: GMAIL INVITES :::

http://gmail.google.com/gmail/a-fdefa7ce32-552fc5c73e-a533042baa

enjoy

Well now that I have my internet connection back up at home after a very long hiatus, I'll probably get back into my filesharing moods. I think the most logical way to go about it for me though is through bittorrent. There is just a better selection of things to chose from, and whatever it is you're bound to find it. I use redhat 8 and wanted a gui to use with it, I did a search and found azureus. It's a java client for bittorrent that I think is just so easy to use with alot of nice features. Also being that its java its pretty portable as well, there are guides for Windows, Linux, and OSX on the site.
I think the next stop for me is getting some help on making up some SVCDs in Linux, since I've never attempted I really don't know how. I found a how-to on Big J's Linux site, I'll follow it and see how it goes.
The house, when I get around to it, is gonna undergo a bit of a tech makeover. I don't have any plans set as of yet but they will be good though.

This article in a way spoke to me, basically dealing with a stressful workload at work and how some can handle it but others can't. I believe I'm one of those that can handle it, I would frequently work later nights working on the next big project that would help everyone. It also says in the article that if you feel that you're just a cog in the whole machine with no say so, no control, and really no position of importance it was a definite cause for burnout. I think I'm on that whole burnout thing right now, I used to like what I do... but now it seems so unimportant. The work I do has become a tedious chore that no longer excites me to think of new ways to make it "better". I just recently applied for a network admin position at our company which would definitely put that spark under me again.... Well lets hope I get it.

Found my motorcycle key though :)

Man... This day is just starting off spectacular, one of those days where every body is hell bent on trying to piss me off. Started off with my dad this morning at 5:45 in the morning hammering shit in my hallway, but hell I needed to get up anyways to finish some work before the carpet people came. So I go to putting down my tile floor that needed to go in before the carpet people came, while he's working on the wood floor that I've previously laid down. He went back through and did some clean up cuts on some of the pieces that I had. From jump I already told him that it was not gonna be a quick 'n easy task because some of the pieces get kind of iffy... him bein my dad doesnt listen anyways. So he's going along cutting and stuff, then it comes time to put the floor down and he was just irritating me to the point where I wanted him to just shut up. No... no... you have to do this this way.... :| Ok man, I already put this floor down once and you're just making up stuff I think I know what I'm talkin about. So he continues on with that and I just don't feel like talking. Then the carpet people come and he's doin his usual thing of hassling the people.... normally I really don't pay any attention when he starts doin that but today I just got even more annoyed. So finally I was done with that situation ..... done, over, forget about it. On my way to work .... la la la la.... ....... You've got to be kidding me ..... Sir, do you know why I pulled you over? ..... Actually, I dont ..... For your cracked windshield and loud music ..... Cracked windshield ...hmmm ok ... loud music?!? grant it I do have some speakers in my trunk, but they were not loud at all. So I'm like .... with my windows up and everything my music cant even get that loud, only a mild rattle of my license plate..... Well I heard bass and I was within 25 feet ..... FINE!!!!! So of course he doesn't give me a ticket for the windshield but for the music instead. All of this of course happens close enough to the time I have to be at work that I am actually late. Then I'm faced with the joyous calls that a tech support guy receives during the daily grind.....I can smell my gears churning.

I was over a Slashdot doing my normal news check of the day when I saw one of the stories on there about how America is so far behind in the broadband race. Compared to a few other countries we are pretty behind in that aspect the speeds you can get over in other countries is something we won't see in awhile. That's unfortunate though, especially me being the techy that I am. I know alot of techno-phobes anyways though, and that's gonna have more impact on us than just being behind in broadband speeds. Give it some years and you'll see.

:( I can't find my motorcycle key

Well the house is almost done .... well I guess it really has been almost done for awhile now. I at least have my stuff in the house though, and its semi-livable. Once things get painted the kitchen should be done and it would probably be the most complete room in the house for right now. So that's cool .....
This QA crap at work is killing me, everything we do is monitored ... phone, email, work tickets. I guess that wouldn't be so bad if we didn't get points taken off for such stupid stuff. It seems that there's a network admin position about to open up so I'll get my resume ready and see what will come of that.

Today was one of those days that you just dread at work, you sit there and just can't get anything accomplished. I was no good today, I couldn't concentrate on anything and I just felt like leaving. Funny thing is, it'll be midnight soon and of course I won't leave work on time because I'll find some last minute stuff to do. For some odd reason I seem to work better after I'm already off... don't know why, just do. I still haven't gotten my tire fixed on my motorcycle yet after its unfortunate accident with a nail. I'll get that fixed soon ... like before next week if I'm really tryin to take it to Milwaukee with me. ::::: Update on the house ::::: Still not done, carry on.
I do however have my phone and my internet up at the house, of course that just leaves me without food and a bathroom but hey those two things were overrated anyways. I just wish this crap would be finished.... I'm ready to move already.

I know everyone is dying to know how my birthday weekend was... Did I do some extra special stuff or any blow out parties or anything? Well I had to go to drill this weekend, so I spent most of it doing army stuff and sleeping. I did however go to P.F. Changs, my friend took me there for my birthday she knew I haven't been so that was nice of her to do that.

Well the site for The Creative Birddog is coming along, I'm getting stuff figured out and put together. I'm working on getting alot of the content together and also getting alot of the things I feel are necessary for the site together. I started putting up alot of the questions for the FAQ, I havent answered them yet but I'll get to that. My birthday is next monday, I'll be the big 25. Exactly what I'm gonna be doin I don't know, but whatever it is I'll be sure to have fun. Of course I have to go do my reserve drill this coming up weekend, so there won't be that much partying goin on this weekend. I would say for a birthday gift to myself I should by some parts for my bike, but I know I was gonna do that anyways so I dont need an excuse. Unfortunately I may need a new rear tire, I found a giant screw in it the other day. Of course after I looked up on how to repair it on the net, Ifound out that I should have just left it in and then just took it to the shop. :| So I guess I'll just be getting me a new rear tire, I'll probably get an ignition advancer and some filters too.

:::100th Post:::

You know what .... I could probably continue on trying to lie to myself and say that I'm not looking for someone to be with and don't have any interest on finding anyone. I could... but I would be lying, I'm not saying that I really want to feel this way right about now not really much I can do to stop it though. I think as long as I don't let that engulf me I'll be ok, I think I've come damn near closed to bein engulfed though. On-line dating, Off-line dating, dating ... dating ... dating... I pretty much stopped before I even really got started. Where do I think my problems lie with that? Sometimes I can tend to be "One-tracked" I may like someone and it would be hard as hell for me to concentrate on finding someone else to like. You may say ... Hey, that's great that you can like someone like that and be so focused on them. The catch to that is, more than likely its not really a mutual exchange at least in most of my situations. So then I have to figure out how to get untracked and get my head back straight. I think with that, to get my head straight I would have to find someone new .... which is just about as difficult. So it makes this into a very interesting scene to watch ... Well I guess if you had the sub-titles from what's going on in my head that would probably make it better.

:::UPDATE:::
Obviously wheelies are not scientifically proven to bring back any forgotten memories..... I tested that theory many many times this morning and it just didn't seem to do it. But hey, at least I can clutch em up now :D

I've reopened my TechLife blog as well.

Well I supposedly had a list of things to do today, but the problem when you don't write down that list.... you tend to forget. I just can't seem to remember that one thing I know I was supposed to do, maybe it'll come to me later. I had actually written up another post yesterday at work but I had left it there without even publishing it.
Well it looks like I'll be back in Milwaukee the weekend of Aug. 21st, I guess I should put in for some vacation time now so I can at least spend more than a couple days there. By the way it sounds I may need to, Javion has this list of things that we need to do: Go to movies to see "Yu-gi-oh", go ice skating, go to Wisconsin dells ..... damn... did i forget that list too? Well his I have written down somewhere, besides he'll probably have more stuff on there before too long.
I need to get working on my bike pretty soon, not looking forward to that. The 2nd gear is out and its gonna be a pain in the ass to get it fixed, I've said I was going to attempt the fix myself instead of taking it to the shop..... Don't know if thats good or bad but we'll find out. I think today I may go practice some wheelies for a little while though, maybe that'll jog my memory.

Today was actually a pretty good day for no reason at all, I got all GQd up and went to work. I just felt good. I may try to go out somewhere tonight that will depend. I might go down to the Oregon District and go to sloopy's or somethin. I dunno, we'll see.

Hmmm...How is my day going? How do I really feel? I'm not really sure I'm
pissed off but I don't really know about what. It almost feels like an "I
told you so to myself", I realized that dating sucks and I'm not even
dating. Hell even liking people sucks... I guess it only sucks when things
don't go your way I guess. Does that make me a brat cuz I don't like it when
things go my way? Kinda, I think how I deal with it after the fact is what
determines that. I can either sit in a pit of "Whoa as me" or I can suck it
up and drive on.

My dad told me today that I look like someone stole my puppy or something. I don't look that bad.... What exactly is wrong I don't know. It could be one thing or it could be many, I'm just too tired to figure out. I'm supposed to be meeting this lady tomorrow so I can try and get pre-approved so I can try and get this house. It's a bank owned property and they'll probably act like they don't want to get rid of it... but its cool, we'll see what happens. Other than that everything is cool I guess.... car is still crap and house is still not finished. Same old, same old.

I really don't feel like doing crap today, so that's gonna translate into a very fun day at work. I don't even know what's wrong....I need to go back to sleep or something. Hmmm.... well until later.

I guess I can talk a little bit about game since I don't feel like doing anything else. I'm not sure if everybody really realizes this that everything has some sort of game involved. It's called by different names when it comes to certain areas but it's all game, there are different rules involved depending on what you want and what you doin. The most recognized as "game" is how it relates to dating & relationships. There's always talk about people who got game, got no game, even got some lame game but then you don't want to come across someone that plays the game or plays games period. It's not really the fact of them playing games, its when they play different games than you do when it gets real. You don't want somebody to run game on you and make you look silly, that's just our nature to feel that way. Well.... I'm so lazy I'm not gonna finish this post, I'll edit it later. So if you're reading this.... then I'm still being lazy and I still haven't edited this.

You ever have one of those where you really don't feel like doing anything..... Today is one of those days for me. I've been workin, but not near the intensity in which i probably need to be at. I don't know what it is but I just feel drained right now. I just need to go home and do nothing.

Another day, Another drill weekend.... It wasn't so bad really. I mean a picnic on Sat. and an all day urinalysis on Sun. So basically we did nothing the whole time, I even came late today so I really didn't do anything. Our old First Sergeant... First Sergeant Richter is back :( definitely un-hooah. We'll see how this is going to work out. I really need to get to workin on my bike as well, the 2nd gear is just completely gone and its drivin me crazy. From the instructions I found it didnt seem too difficult... just time consuming. So one day I'll work on that, one day after I get moved into the house. Supposedly I'll be able to get in by next weekend so we'll see about that.

You know what, I think I have stepped into something I want to learn more about. After my post I just started doing some research to see if I could find some kind of data to use for the equation when I found this How to win the one you want... I found this so interesting because it goes along with changing the values in the equation to get the desired effect. You know this whole site is fairly interesting, but let me continue on with what I was doin in the first place. I see my next stop has landed me at MSN, with a story about finding those "missed connections". Going along with the articles my search came across a July 2002 archive at Greatboyfriends.com. Consum-mate.com another hop along the journey, this seems more like on where to find the people you like. Beingaman.com will probably be my last stop for the day, I think I've probably found enough research items to further develop my thesis. I think that with all of this it will bring me to the subject of "Game", all in all it should be a good post.

True love is when your heart and your mind are saying the same thing.

I think I've probably debated, talked, and thought over the whole friends
dating issue just about long enough now. Different people have different
views and different stories, I think under it all they are all pretty much
the same though. It's hard to piece together what exactly is the same
between them all but I can get a general picture. I do think there are
different degrees to this friendship to dating ratio. I think alot of it has
to do with how a woman classifies a man from the very beginning, then how
the man plans on persuing things from the start. It's kind of like the Chaos Theoryin affect,
there are precise values that start off this equation and bring it to its
solution. Of course you change the values you change the equation, thereby
changing the results. Now.... Can you change the value of that equation
after it has already been calculated? That is a very good question. So for
this to work it would have to be more of probability question, instead of a
simple math equation. Then you start talking about things like "certain and
impossible events" , dependant events, and conditional probability... you
know things like that. So like the probability of someone dating a friend
would probably rely on the probablity that there are feelings... mutual or
not. Maybe you can add in the probability of attraction, Past events also
play a role in this If a person has been in a similiar situation before then
they will definitely lean more towards a certain answer. A person's outlook
on how the future is gonna play out has something to offer. So let's see
P(FriendsDating) = (P(Feelings) * P(Attraction) * P(PastEvents) *
P(Expectations)* (Game *.01) * (Attitude *.01))/P(CoEDFriend). This is just something off the top of my
head, so the probability that you would wind up in a relationship with a
friend of yours would probably be based on the probability of feelings,
attraction, past events, and future outlooks all on top of the probability
of even being able to be friends with someone of the opposite sex. Now the
exact probablities of each of these events... I'm not sure of. Maybe
researching that will be my next goal or somethin.... but its a rough
outline off the top of my head. What does it really mean? Does it give the
much needed insight into the world of dating? ..... No, but it could get you
to think a little bit more though.

House update - Still not done... At least the kitchen is almost finished, the cabinets are in the plumbing still needs to be done though. I think I may have figured out what I need to do to my laundry room, some indoor outdoor carpet should do the trick. Now exactly which color Im gonna use.... I don't know yet. I don't even know what colors I'm trying to do for the rest of the house. I need to get that together pretty soon......speaking of pretty soon, I have drill this weekend almost forgot. hmmmm ---------------->>>>><<<<<<--------- Ok, yea its still in the back of my mind.... can't seem to shake it. I think I'm to the point to where I need to, for my own sanity sake. ---------------- The 626 is a piece of crap and I really do need to get a new car. If I can just stick to the plan and get a duplex first then I should be able to get the car that I want, instead of just any old thing.

Email Blogging

I just wanted to test and see if my email blogging is working.... carry on.

It's funny how your heart and your mind sometimes clash against each other on different occasions. I guess I can speak on something that I have experience with on both sides of the fence. Wanting someone that you feel is right for you but that person doesn't feel the same way, I have definitely seen both sides to that. You do however live, learn, and move on.....an experience that you won't forget and one that will definitely change your life. I just watched the butterfly effect...you know the movie Ashton Kutcher changing his past.... Chaos Theory...hmmm... still dont know. Well anyways, one thing that I agree with is that one decision could drastically effect ones life. It was just so crazy how he would go back change something and then everything would be so bad afterwards. The director's cut was pretty crazy, I need to see the regular version to see how much different it is because the endings make it a totally different movie. Anyways, like I said your actions obviously do have a great effect on the rest of your life.... and i just lost my point. Well it was a pretty crazy movie regardless.

Ok, I needed to write something down before I blew up. How in the world can "It may or may not work" be a valid answer for not wanting to get involved with someone. May or may not is the way of the world.... its what happens each and everyday. Its something that we live with and have to deal with everyday. Who am I to say I'm not gonna do something cuz I may fail at it. I may as well lay down and die now because I dont want to attempt anything and not have it work out. I guess that's so easy to say when there is nothing on the line, so what if there is. What if something that you care for alot is hanging in the balance of this may or may not situation.... would you want to risk it. --------------------------STOP EVERYTHING------------ :| That's basically how it is right now. I think its safe to say I should look forward.



I'm gonna write this down so that I make sure to get all my thoughts lined up and my side clear. I really do think that this whole issue of being friends with someone and then turning that into a relationship, is one that's gonna be on my top 10 list of things to talk about. I don't really think there are too many people who share the same point of view as me, but thats not gonna deter me from how I feel about it. Well now that I think about it my parents probably side with me since they were friends before they were together. So that's 2 people to the side of TJ. Now let's see if I can get into the whole nitty gritty of the issue. Why are people so afraid of it, why do they think it is so destined for doom, and can it actually work.
For one I think having a relationship with a person who was your friend first is some kind of urban legend. Everybody's mother-sister-cousin has a horror story of when they had a romantic relationship with a friend that went wrong and it was never the same after. So those horror stories fuel the minds and hearts of people because they never want that same horror to fall upon them. They might as well make a horror movie about it since its so damn frightening. I mean it gets to the point to where when you bring up the subject the only thing that gets discussed is what happens when it doesn't work. What happens when it does work? Where are the horror stories about how people were such good friends and they pursued something more and it turned out great. You never hear about that. Those don't make the good stories, those aren't the ones you can sit and talk about with your friends...the things that went good. Even when I'm sitting around talking with my friends, all the ignorant crazy shit I've done in the past is all that gets talked about. Well I honestly don't think that people will stop being afraid of it or start doing it more just cuz one guy has a different opinion about it. You may not want to disturb what is going on with whatever friendship and you definitely couldnt take it if it didnt work out well. So I can understand why some may feel frightened of it.
Unfortunately starting a relationship with a friend always seems to get that "Doomed to Fail" Stamp of approval. I mean why is that when people always seem to want to get to know their partner on that same sort of level. But if you happen to find someone on that same level beforehand then its all wrong. What is so wrong with it?!? I guess I'm biased because I would want someone to be my friend first. I guess that's kind of like sabotage then, If I start off seeing it as being able to advance to the next stage and not the other person...that's not fair. I think I probably need to look at it that way. For me to say that I would like to be in a relationship with someone I was friends with first is kind of a setup for anyone I become friends with. They're thinking of the situation as friends only and here I am thinking of more than that. So I think I need to look at it from another way then.... I may have to rethink my stance on what I've been doing lately. So how do I get to know someone without being close enough to get to be too good of friends but still be cool enough to where I can learn enough about them to be able to see if its a good match. It used to be so easy before.... I didnt really worry about matching and fitting, if she was pretty then it was cool. I guess I have grown a little bit to know that I want more than that. I guess the only thing I wanted now was something that lasts. I'm not trying to get involved with something that is gonna end a few months from now. I'm not gonna dwell on it too much longer though, I think after writing this I'll probably be well vented and pretty much done.
Why do I think it would work? My parents.... My dad and my stepmother were good friends before they were together and they're doin good. Why else do I think it would work.... If I was in that situation I would want it to work. I don't think what I have to say could really satisfy the masses but its a start for me.


To My Best Friend?
by Shannbodan


This is for the greatest person
that I have ever known.
Being away from you for so long
I am feeling so alone.
With you I am so happy
you keep my heart content.
But I had to be a volunteer -
so off to England I went.
That is where I found my heart
and how I feel for you.
I try so hard to deny this feeling
and I don't know what to do.
I said that I would never again
let someone take my heart.
And here I'm sitting wanting you
and hate that we're apart.
Everyday you are in my thoughts,
every night you're in my dreams.
I can't believe what's happening,
is this really what it seems?
I know you're only wanting
to be the best of friends,
but I am asking you sincerely
if it's your rule you'll bend.
To take a chance to know me
to let me share it all.
And maybe one day very soon
for me one day you'll fall.
Our friendship we now have
is something that I'd miss
but maybe once we let go
we will find eternal bliss.



http://www.loveforum.net/showthread.php?t=591

You know what I don't know if it's difficult or not but its a pretty interesting situation, liking someone who is a good friend of yours. I don't even know how to characterize it even though I am in it. I guess somedays are better than others about how I feel about it. I do know its just something I need to deal with it, its not really like anything is gonna change anytime soon. I probably care a little bit more than i should....but who cares. :)

Well I would definitely say that my 2 1/2 week AT in South Dakota was indeed a pretty interesting one. It started with our bus to the airport going down a street not accessible by any type of big vehicle in which it got stuck. Of course it was already late and about time the bus was able to get free we missed our flight. So thanks to the good ole Army they put us on a bus from Cincinnati, OH to Custer, SD... that turned into a 28 hr road trip. I guess the bus trip wasn't too bad since I hooked up my PS2 to the bus so we could watch DVDs the whole ride there. I also found out that Nextel does not work in South Dakota....typical. Well I guess when there are only about 760k people in a whole state you tend to lose track of the people in that state if you're a big cell phone company. The worst part of the 2 weeks of course was the fact we had to stay in the woods most of the time. I guess the woods wouldn't be so bad if it felt like you were camping out, but this wasn't camping out. This was like being sent to a detention facility in the middle of nowhere. Interesting enough I did see one of those out there. Moving on to being stuck in the woods, I decided to listen to my friend who wanted to sleep on the outside of the tent since it was so nice (Now I knew it was going to turn bad just cause he wanted to). So of course 2 days later it gets cold and rainy, then it stays like that for a few days. Since then we have transferred our location from outside of the tent to a nearby humvee trailer that was sitting being unused. So we braved the elements most of the time without heat or electricity, pulling guard duties in the pitch black night with visions of mountain lions gnawing on your bones keeping me awake. Since it was so much open land and trees when the wind blue it sounded like a car zooming by on the highway. Things did start to shape up towards the end, some tents did get electricity and heat. We also got some night vision goggles to play with at night during duty, so i didnt have to think mountain lions were trying to sneak up on me. Through all this we had to incorporate a whole lot of military training. I will definitely say that I have a much greater appreciation of the training we do because like they said it will be something we will need if we get deployed. When we finally got out of the field things got a little better we were able to go out and see the city we were in. It was definitely a small city, but in my opinion it was a city I could see myself going back to. I will definitely say the ratio of women to men was something to behold. So I made it back and I didn't get eaten by a mountain lion like I thought I would so it was cool.

I think I'm finally starting to get mentally prepared for a tour of the Middle East. I know that now being in the Army reserves almost guarantees you a ticket over there. Our unit will probably leave out close to the end of the year. Of course I know its something that I will have to get used to and I'm up for the challenge. I know the change I need to make in myself will have to be a big one.

Dating....very interesting process. The dread and excitement of meeting someone new, them getting to know you, you getting to know you .... an easy process for some, for others its more of a struggle. I guess I'm kinda in the middle, leaning more towards the "struggle" side. I guess what makes it a struggle for me is seeing if people are willing to understand the person that I am. I tend to be a type of person that stays pretty low key if I'm not really used to a situation. Even then my change is on a schedule, not really one of drastic but not really grdual, I think it just takes time to get to know anybody and I'm surely no different. So I guess I'm going to give this whole dating thing a decent shot since I really haven't in the past. I have to make sure I remember that no one is going to know you right off the back and misconceptions are common. I guess in the end what I want to find is someone who has a better understanding of who I am through interacting with me.

Well my son should be here while I'm at work, him and his mother should have come in fairly recently. He could of left her at home but I don't think they allow 6 year olds to drive. I guess I'm going through the more difficult phase of the whole daddy process, dealing w/ the other parent. Not really just dealing w/ them but dealing with them when there is a disagreement. I was asked for advice on what they should do, I gave the advice and know I'm seen as controlling someone else's life for it.... ok, fine no more advice. But this will pass though, so I'm not worried. Now I just need to get things cleared up with my mother.

Oh, the freakin house is still not finished yet. :|

Damn its hot... and tomorrow is supposed to be even hotter. All I need now is a place to go to see pretty women with very little clothes.

Well today is going to be another boring post of what I did today... I worked on my house. I cut the plywood to put down in my laundry room so I can put the vinyl on top of it. I also finished the last 2 pieces of the hardwood floor for the hallway... other than that I did some more cleaning.

You know something that I noticed that is pretty funny is that alot of the girls I meet now don't eat red meat. I'm not sure when it happened but all of a sudden everyone is a vegetarian. Interesting....

See... That's what I get for not checking emails at work, I missed a 3 o'clock meeting today. They didn't say anything about it, but I know they're going to bring it up at a later date.
That pt test was no joke, my muscles are still killin me.... I need to start working out more. What did I get accomplished today...Well I finished putting in my tile floor today (somewhat, still needs grout) I'm tired... I'll be back.

I went and bought that tile to put in front of my back door, it went down pretty easy. I'll have to finish it up either today or tomorrow. It looks as if there is some water coming in through the weather stripping on my front door, so that means I won't be able to put the wood down right there until I get that fixed. I still won't be able to put the carpet in the back room till I find out where that water is coming from back there either.
Enough of the home improvement talk, I actually had some people contact me about buying the pontiac. I might go ahead and sell it to our next door neighbor's daughter though, her and her boyfriend have a newborn so they need the transportation. I was going to sell it for $800 but I see they need a car so I'm going to let them have it for $400, I hope they take care of it it was a pretty good car to me. Anything interesting happening in my life today at this moment no, I'm at work trying to scratch up some work to do. Things are starting to get slim, so I've also been looking at monster.com for any other opportunities.

The drill wasn't too bad, a lot of work though but it was ok. I actually passed my PT test, I really didn't think I was going to but I did it so I'm good. There were a few disappointments though. It was definitely confirmed that I won't be able to go on our AT (Annual Training) to Fort Meade, MD and I'll be stuck going to South Dakota with everyone else. All because of my unit not letting me now when stuff is wrong, my unit sucks. The last 2 ATs that I've been on were excellent, I went to Fort Bliss, TX (El Paso) last year and Wiesbaden Army Airfield in Germany. With those ATs I with a small group of people, its a known fact that if you go on an AT other than the company AT its gonna be good. My first year we went to Fort McCoy, WI, that was hell due to the 10-11 hour work days. But... Me being me I still went out everyday when we were there. I was determined to have fun no matter what. So this year in South Dakota is going to be no different, they even asked me to bring my satellite hookup...so its definitely going to be interesting.

This whole Iraq situation has really shakin things up in the military. One of the disappointing things that happened this weekend was when they told us that there was no longer an IRR. Now for those who don't know the IRR is the Inactive Ready Reserve, I am an Active Reservist myself. When you sign up you sign up for 6 years active reserve and 2 years inactive. So basically the just lengthened my stay in the military for another 2 years. Then anyone who is inactive right now, will be activated again. So there are going to be some angry people out there. Then they told us that our unit will be called up for rotation into Iraq fiscal year 05, which for the military is in Oct. So this is all so interesting.... Oh, and they said we probably will get activated for 18-24 months. :| This is just looking more and more promising.

I actually went back to The Yellow Rose last night after I swore I would never go there again. I only went because it was my friend's cousin's birthday, I know that's not really an excuse to go to a club I hate...but I'm always up to ride unfortunately. It wasn't too bad, but I'm not gonna become a regular or anything. I just feel I got my $3 worth that's about it. So of course doing that threw off my plan to finish up some major stuff on my house. I woke up this morning and got some stuff from Home Depot then came back home and was knocked out. It was some good sleep, but it didnt prove to be very productive. Now I have drill tomorrow which I'm dreading because I don't want to take the PT test. *Sigh* Well we'll just see how everything turns out.
I got some pretty slick ideas for the house though. I've been watching alot of different shows and getting ideas from different books. I didn't want the house to look like the bachelor pad that it actually is. I want to jazz it up to the point to where people will have to ask who helped me think of the ideas.
Ooo...I bought Siphon Filter:Omega Strain today...so I'll see how it is. In fact, I'll do that now.

Another drill weekend....These things just seem to pop up out the blue. Of course I'm just so very happy with going, but I signed up so I guess I better do it. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if we didnt have to do that stupid P.T. test. Oh well, the weekend will be over fairly quickly. Good news is that I got my floor done in the hallway and it looks pretty good. I'm getting really excited over this house stuff.... I even find myself wanting to go to Home Depot, Scary Stuff. When I was a kid I used to dread going out with my parents because I knew we would end up in some freakin hardware store somewhere. I've wasted many precious years of my life in hardware stores. It's cool now though, I got my own stuff to work on and I'm enjoying it.

Of course out all the days they say its gonna rain, its gonna do it on the one day I actually decide to ride my bike to work.... This is gonna be interesting.

House is still coming together slowly, unfortunately though while I was putting down the hardwood floor in the hallway somewhere in the process I made one of the pieces crooked. Of course I didnt notice it till I got further down the line, so now I have to go back and redo some of that. I'll get the rest of my carpet done probably next week, so that'll mean all the floors will be done except for the one in the laundry area...which is the one that NEEDS to be done. With that floor not being done I cant reinstall the water heater, which means I can't turn the gas back on, which means I can't run the air. Oh, and the bathroom still needs to be finished too. Right now the plumbing doesnt want to match up with I actually want so now the cabinets won't go back in right. If I just get my butt in there and start getting things done I'll be pretty good.
Well the temperature is right to be out riding but this rain in the forecast is killin me. I did get some good motorcycle riding in over the weekend though. It's still funny the looks that I get when people see my bike. I guess they've never seen one with tiger stripe fur on it before. I got some pretty good ideas on how to make it easier for me to put that stuff on...maybe I could even make a biz plan out of it.

Well the house is getting closer and closer to finally being finished, once the plumbing is completed and the floor in the laundry room is done then maybe it will speed up even more.

You know, I was going to speak on the subject of dating ... this is not easy ritual it was back in high school. Honestly, I'm not even sure what to do. How do I meet people if I'm really not out at people places? What is the best strategy to even find someone, let alone even kick things off with a person? Should I do the online thing, should I just go to different places and just hang out constantly or what?
I had a recent discussion about some things a guy might do to try and win over a woman. I was trying to point out that some women just don't want to date you right off the back, or even act like they like you. If you see that there is something special about a person, do you just ignore it and walk away? do you try to do all you can to change their mind? do you try to become a friend in hopes that one day, things will change? All of those could easily be seen as the wrong thing to do depending on the person. Should I even be looking? maybe one day I'll just trip over a special someone and that will be it. I'm getting to the point to where its hard to even like people, because more than likely its not gonna happen.

Well since the last update I finally got my bike back together with the fur 90% completed. The looks and reactions that I get are hilarious, I was kind of wondering what kind of reactions I would get but this is great. I just have to finish it up and make it look clean and stuff.

Freakin part is still on order for my bike, Hopefully it will be here by the end of next week. I still need to finish that fur anyways ... unfortunately it seems as if I broke off a little tab on the fork of the bike. Im hoping its not gonna affect if the gearbox stays on or not because if it does cause trouble im gonna need to invest in some forks. X-(

Well how is the rest of my life going, well I guess things are goin good ... they could be better but Im not complaining.

Two days in a row with access ..... I'm starting to have renewed faith in the network admins here. Well I just got my new front tire for my bike today, a Dunlop D208ZR, very nice if I do say so. Now I just have to wait till I get the freakin speedometer gearbox so that I can put it back together. I'm almost done furring it as well, I would be done but I'm not really that motivated since I still can't ride the freakin thing. I might try to find some brake pads as well or somethin ... I guess I can fix whatever else is wrong since my bike is currently is so many freakin pieces. I had a friend of a friend try to talk me out of putting fur on my bike, he told me that he would paint it instead and that "We're not in California". Not really sure what putting fur on my bike has to do with being in California, but oh well. I told him I'll let him paint it but soon after I said that I began putting more fur on the bike. If he doesn't like it ... I really don't give a damn, besides I need to get my plastics repaired before I can paint them anyways. The fur looks pretty good though, it needs some clean up work though but it'll do. It's currently sporting the tiger stripe fur I'll get some picks up when I'm done. So what all can I cram into this little page about my life since last November. Well that's a lot of stuff to talk about, I got a tattoo for one .... for two and the rest of the numbers I'll have to talk about that later.

On top of all the mess that's goin on I happened to break a piece off my motorcycle. I figured "Hey, why not save some money and take my front wheel off" :::Note to self - Let them take the freakin wheel off next time::: I think I can be handy with the tools, but I always seem to break the stuff though. So now I'm out 1 speedometer gearbox .... What's that? You don't know what it is .... Well its located on the front wheel between the fork and since I skipped a step when following instructions I completely disintegrated it. So that'll be an extra $60 I could have spent elsewhere, so I'll be a little late getting my bike up and running for the season.

Okay .... First of all, I need my internet back. This not having it at home thing isn't cool at all, and my company is kind of spastic about the rules they have on the content filtering so every once in awhile I am able to get access on Blogger. Well I don't know, I guess I got so many things going on but at the same time I dont. Sometimes I amaze myself at the shit I can cause, hopefully one day I can end all of that.

Support your local stunt rider The link goes to the radio station website that says they're gonna give away 1 million dollars to the person that recruits the most people to sign up under them. I go over to Stuntlife.com alot and this is where I got the link from, the guy says he'll use it to get some more stunt riding events going. I signed up...didn't kill me.
Today...just another day, not much goin on....I am pretty damn hungry right now though can't even concentrate. gotta get food.

Sprint PCS Picture Website

Well I figured out what the deal with Sprint was....the website won't work with Mozilla, Well the picture.sprintpcs.com at least. I don't understand why different sites can work one day and then the next they just don't....oh well.

::: Edit :::
Speaking of which the new address for the Sprint picture site is http://pictures.sprintpcs.com
I don't have my Sprint phone anymore since I switched to Nextel but I guess I'll be dragged back to Sprint kicking and screaming one way or another.

Well I went to the auction Sat. and picked me up the 626 I was talkin bout. It's a pretty nice car, I'm gonna try and resell it though and get some more money to buy a different car. I'll probably do that until I get a decent car that I like. I was trying to look up the blue book value of the car, its sayin that for a private party I can probably find one in my condition selling for about $2500. I'll put it up for like $3200 O.B.O. and I'll see how it goes. It was pretty decent earlier today, about 60 degrees....I wanted to pull the bike out and ride but I need a new front tire. ......So of course I did it anyway....Hey, I needed gas :) Well I brought it back home and wound up dropping it in the garage trying to put it on the center stand. The bad part came when I was trying to get it up and broke off the button for the starter....sux. So I'll have to price that to see how much I'm gonna get hit up for that. I smell like a freakin gas tank right now though, because some gas war coming out when it was on its side. Good news is I didnt flood the tank.
Tomorrow its supposed to be like 66, but of course its gonna rain the whole day.....oh yea, i forgot...I can't ride my bike anyways. ( We'll see )

If no one knows....Sprint sucks, for some odd reason the pictures website has been down for 3 days for "Maintenance and enhancements". If it takes this long to do that it better be good......and what if it isn't, Well then I'm just basically screwed yet again by Sprint. I have so many freakin pictures that I would never be able to move all of them with my cell phone. It already takes five minutes to get to the 6th picture in my inbox.
Oh, great news....my car is trying to tell me something, "Fix me damnnit" it seems as if one of my spark plugs was cross threaded when it was put into the head. So now I have to either get a new head for my car...or get the hole fixed, both of which I dont think is gonna come cheap. Well maybe the head will...who knows, just have to find out. That means I'll be without a car for awhile, unless I happen to get the one I want at this auction tomorrow.

Well I had my pre-arraignment for my reckless operation ticket, went in and pleaded not guilty so I have a pre-trial later on this month. I started a thread about this on the StarBoyz Forum I got some great responses back that made me understand the specific ordinance they're trying to throw at me. If my pre-paid lawyers do their job I should be able to get off the hook for it. Since I wasn't endangering anyone's lives or personal property I should be good.
Other news, I'm going to an auto auction this weekend....tryin to get this 95 Mazda 626 hopefully I can get it for the low. I would get that...sell my pontiac and then work on selling that so I could get another car.
Have you ever had one of those moments where it feels like everything you do is life changing? But the moment lasts a few hours and every second seems like eternity. I'm not saying this happened today or anything but today just made me remember the past. What if it turns out that some of the things you think you're doing for the right reason, really isn't the right reason or even a good reason. What if what you really think is meant to be...really isn't, that would mean that what's going to happen is still going to happen regardless of whether or not you think you know what it is. All these riddles for somethin so damn simple.

It's about 66 degrees currently and I can't ride my bike, my tires are seriously bald and in need of changing. I'll probably wait till december to get them, I know I'm not going to be riding anytime soon so I might as well wait....actually I probably would of still been riding if I had new tires anyways. My name has been officially changed, went and had my final court hearing today. Other than that today has been a pretty normal day...nothing too exciting happening. I am eyeing this car, its a used Lumina...I forget how many miles it has. I'll probably go there and wave some money in his face and see if he'll give it to me. Then I'll turn around and sell my car, I need to start building up some extra cash flow so that I can afford it get a new bike and a new car next year. This is the bike I want This is the car I want
I think its pretty possible to get both of those, get my house done, and get another house to either sell or Section 8. Which reminds me that I forgot to go look at houses today, but I guess since It seems like I have no time anyways I'll probably have to wait till later in the week.

Well what is on my mind for today, Well I guess tomorrow I go for my official name change. Its been a long time coming...don't really know if I'm excited though, Its almost like I'm becoming another person. Maybe I could stand a change, I kind of crudded up my current name for the time being. You know what....at one point I thought that I would be able to write on here things I wanted to say that I knew I wouldn't be able to all the time. Now it feels like I've backed myself into a corner to where I have to censor myself. Things I write on here will have a good chance of getting read and interpreted in ways that I probably don't want it to be. That's probably cool with people I don't know and don't associate with on a regular basis. What if I say something on here and then I have to answer for it because someone doesn't understand......I don't really care if they don't understand but i don't really want to answer questions about it either. Oh well, just got to live with it I guess. Veronica (currently in Iraq - Germany girl to those that know) said she had leave coming up on Dec. 13th, she didn't tell me if she was goin back to Germany or coming to the states...hopefully she'll be able to email me again so I can find out.